Tales From An Accidental Harlot

OK. The title is kind of misleading.

I'm not like that, but apparently, the international community has its doubts.

Women in small-towns smile at passers-by, but usually people we know. For strangers, it's a nod of the head and a twitch of the lips. In those situations, we want to seem indestructible; invincible; NOT harmless. 

Being a woman is empowering, but that doesn't make you powerful. You have to work hard at it, and it's not always an easy thing to wear or assert. 

I've heard a million times not to make eye contact in Japan.
BUT HOW?
If you do that in America, you're labeled as "awkward" and "strange" and "rude". 

So many rules are changing. 

Obviously, I will have to arrive a fly on the wall, and I may very well be that way for weeks. 

I've heard a million times that acknowledging a stranger on the sidewalk is not.......polite; that it doesn't have the same....connotations. 

Maybe friendliness doesn't matter over there the way it does here. Maybe we're so obsessed with first impressions that we're bent on creating situations that aren't necessary as an excuse to have them. Maybe it's selfish; our own image trumps other people's space and privacy. Is that what it is? Or are we truly more socially aware and better-intentioned? Is there a correct answer? Who is wrong? Is anyone wrong?

Unfortunately, none of these questions will be answered in English.

None of them will be answered in words. 

I will just have to keep walking and find out.

Here Are Some Things

Here is a list of things:

Woman

Man

First Generation High School Graduate

Christian

Muslim

Jew

Hindu

Buddhist

Atheist

Democrat

Republican

Progressive

Green Party

Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender

Person with a Disability

Black or African American

Asian or Pacific Islander American

Latino/a or Hispanic American

Native American

Middle Eastern

White

Bi-racial                                                         

Fan of a particular sport                  

Music Fan (what kind?)

Healthy/Athletic/Over-/Under-Weight

Urban Dweller

Country Dweller

Musician

Artist (what kind?)

Student Athlete

Other identities

And I'm supposed to classify myself as 3 of these. You know me. I could rant about any of these. I hate having to identify and classify myself. Let me try: 



WOMAN There's so much power and history behind that word. Views of women around the world are very different, but it's still an empowering identity. I don't assert my womanlyness, so hopefully people in Japan won't be intimidated by how much female they're getting, but I don't see any real problem here. 

MUSICIAN This is definitely something I include as part of me. I'm not a traditional musician, per say, like my parents who go out with their friends and write songs and book gigs. I'm not that ambitious or experienced. I do, however, practice guitar like a fiend and bring my mandolin on every overnight trip. The mandolin is coming to Japan. I hear classical Irish music is a thing in Japan, so perhaps I can make friends by troubador-ing around with the book of Gaelic fiddle tunes .

GEEK Before my mother reads this and gives me a lecture about "sending positive messages", I need to clarify. Geek and nerd are not interchangeable. If you don't believe me, I suggest you do some research. I hear there are a lot of cool geeks in Japan. In fact, the Japanese word for a slightly more obsessive degree of geek is オタク, or otaku. (if you're going to use this in conversation, it's pronounced o-tock). <-- #GeekStatus

So, in the grand scheme of things, I suppose a musical she-nerd (I know, I broke my rule) isn't the worst thing I could possibly identify as. There are others on that list (you know how much I love the race categories) but I think these will do just as well.

My Favorite Talking Point

Here is what I think of ethnicity :)
Here is what I think of race >:(

Why?
Because ethnicity ties a person to a certain culture, a history, a language group, a religion or a tradition that is similar across a common people but open to personal interpretation
and because race is associated with discrimination, generalization, apartheid, racism (obviously), bias and stereotypes. 

I've always avoided describing myself as Latina vs. White vs. Poptart vs. Shoelace vs. whatever. In America, there's this huge thing where you're always supposed to identify what "race" you are, (probably so they can adjust your income accordingly later). Race is a human construct. Do you think cavemen in the Himalayas thought they were better than cavemen in the horn of Africa? Of course not. They didn't care. Race stems from this desire we have as humans to belong, and the more categories you fit into, the safer you are, right?

Quiz time:
My mother is 100% Italian (4th generation US-citizen)
My father is 100% Puerto Rican (1st generation US-citizen). My father's family also has lots of Dominican, Corsican, some Lebanese and some Syrian. 
I only speak English. My father's first language is Spanish but he never taught it to me.
So:
what race am I?
Yeah, I gave up too.

When I go to Japan, people will obviously ask me what I am, since Japan is 99% Japanese (that's a hard fact, not a quip) and I am always asked if I'm "mixed". It shouldn't matter. If they say "It's cool that you're American!", that's ethnicity. If they say "it's cool that you're white" , that's race. I'd rather be known for an ethnicity I understand than a race I can't identify with. 

In a room full of "white" people, I feel Latina because my skin is dark, my hair is thick and wavy, my hips are wide and my last name ends in a Z.
In a room full of "Latin(o/a)s", I feel "white" because my skin is pale, I only speak English, and besides a pig roast we threw in May, there's never been anything more traditionally "Hispanic" in my life than chips and salsa. 

Hopefully, there will be kids in Japan that can relate. 
Just no "Are you Mexican" questions.
I really hope that's just an American lack-of-exposure phenomenon.

*think*

 

I wonder what music high schoolers listen to

in Japan.......

I really hope they don't think I have weird taste.

But they probably will.

I got this, tho.

I'M ONTO YOU, JAPAN

Mahatma Gandhi

Be the change you wish to see in the world. - Mahatma Gandhi

 

When my parents began telling people I had been accepted into Ayusa, they were very excited and warm. While people often romanticize France and Spain and Germany as "foreign countries", Japan is something totally different. It's not a Western country. The language isn't derived from Latin, and they don't have a culture that's anything like our own, so lots of friends saw it as being something exotic. 

As for the Gandhi quote, my mother always says this anytime I complain about something.
"Oh ma, I hate this class. It's so boring. Math is stupid."
"Be the chance you wish to see."

"Oh ma, no one writes letters anymore. I feel like such an old lady. I wish people still did things like that."
"Remember what Gandhi said."

"Oh ma, no one travels abroad. The school doesn't even have a way to make that happen."
"You know what I always tell you. Listen to Mohandas."

And you know what? She was right.

Look At How Ridiculous This Is

Sometimes, people don't believe me when I say how ridiculous but straight forward Japanese can be. So, for my sake mostly, since I need to practice conjugating these damn adjectives, I will show you (also since I have nothing to do). 

Pick an adjective. Chubby? Ok. Chubby = potchari (ぽっちゃり）

The white phrases are polite, the yellow phrases are casual

He might be chubby                                    He might not be chubby

彼はぽっちゃりでしょう　　　　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃないでしょう

彼はぽっちゃりかもしれません　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃないかもしれません

彼はぽっちゃりだろう　　　　　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃないだろう

彼はぽっちゃりかもしれない 　　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃないかもしれない

He might have been chubby                       He might not have been chubby

彼はぽっちゃりだったでしょう　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃなかったでしょう

彼はぽっちゃりだったかもしれません　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃなかったかもしれません

彼はぽっちゃりだっただろう　　　　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃなかっただろう

彼はぽっちゃりだったかもしれない　　　彼はぽっちゃりじゃなかったかもしれない

Seriously!!! Who came up with this??